Insight

The One About Two Games

2012-01-29T11:24:00.001-08:00

I have always followed Sports seriously. Even, when I was a kid I would sit with my grandfather, who was the biggest sports fan I ever knew and watch everything on DD Sports for hours altogether. Back in the day DD Sports was like my favorite channel. Even now, I have the habit of checking the sports section in the newspapers first. Earl Warren said “I would like to read about People’s accomplishments rather than their failures”. It is not all about winners all the time. The images of Lance Klusener chewing gum calmly after the loss against Australia in the 99’ Cricket World cup Semifinal, of Robert Baggio looking crestfallen after missing a penalty in the 94’ Soccer World cup , of Roger Federer in tears after losing to Rafael Nadal in a epic Wimbledon final are still fresh in my mind. They (South African team, Italian Team and Roger) did lose all right, but the line between the winner and runner up was so close that they did not seem a loser to me. Sports can shower you with glory on defeat as well.

Australia was host to two of my favorite Sporting events in the last week. The India Australia Cricket Test series and the Australian Open Tennis Championship. I was watching the Men’s Championship final game between Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic. Though, The quality of tennis on display was not the of highest standard, the sheer will of each player to hold on until the very end was. For almost 6 hours, the world watched as the two of them held court. There were so many moments during the game when both players appeared completely exhausted and ready to back down. Yet they held on and treated the audience to a fine lesson on determination and will power. Though Nadal lost today he received a standing ovation from the crowd as he left saying “I would be here next year to fight again.”. A hero in Defeat.

In stark contrast was the final match of the India Australia Test series. Though the event was touted to be as the farewell series for the batting greats of India, it proved to be a nightmare. The Indian team chased leather for most of the time, and conducted processions while batting. Agreed, Teams do not win all the time. But if they keep getting Beaten every time then something has to be wrong. It is sad to see that the the media mouthpiece of the team is living in denial and talking about victories of the past. Michael Clarke and his men should be enjoying their beers and mouthing “Evalo adichalum thangaranga” behind the Indians back! While the angry young men of Indian cricket bad mouth the opposition team, crowds and the grounds, and speak of past victories they should realize that their arguments will neither make them win any sympathy from the fans nor make them look like heroes in defeat. The team needs to pick up their act soon, or the team would be addressed with the words "Losers".

In the movie “Up in the Air”, the lead Protagonist says Kids adore Sportsmen because they follow their dreams. The admiration comes from the fact that they learn a lot of values as well. I had the pleasure to see and learn from some of the greatest players during my time, but I do hope that nobody picks up some of the qualities that are on display by the current Indian cricket team.

The Year that Was

2011-12-31T06:28:00.000-08:00

The New year’s eve is a beautiful day. It is a day you get to review the path trodden and a day to plan out your path for a new start. A moment to retrospect and a moment to plan for the future. Another thing I like about it is the fireworks that welcome the new year. They remind me of my dreams, some of them shoot up so high, some of them dazzle in the night sky with the brightest of colors and as they fizzle out in the nothingness an insane soul brings forth fragments of memories of the year that was. Memories that made me smile, look up in despair, watch in awe, and sulk in the deepest corner of my mind.

So here is Timeline 2011

The Reception – Wedding receptions can usually be a boring family affair , but this one was different as it marked a mini reunion of old batch mates at the Land of Liquor and Lakes. And as a bonus a couple of days later met future Mrs.D.B Too. Not a bad start

The World cup and other Days – A year older, and India won the world cup as well, a couple more reasons to celebrate.

The Where was I Days – Three months whiled away with nothing to do, I kept waiting for something to happen, nothing @ work, nothing in the IPL, At last something in Life: an engagement.

The Wedding – A Monster change in life, DB the married guy, new family, beautiful wife, new life, and ah beautiful days.

The Wait – Kept waiting for the jumpstart that would propel me through the rest of the year; turned to be a long wait to even get a move on

The Protestors – Tried to understand the Protestor, The Person of the year. Reasoned with few, thought of others as idiotic

Boulevard of Broken Dreams – Amidst Broken dreams, fading memories, I cling on, willing myself to fight on.

Music – Found joy in Music again Mat Kearney, Shruti Box provided immense relief.

Mrs.DB – Life Partner indeed, smiles and more smiles.

As the last one lights up the sky and fills up the night sky I hold her hands and a silent prayer fills my mind. May the new year bring each closer to realizing what he wants in life.

Why this Kolaveri?

2011-11-26T12:59:00.001-08:00

It is one of those days where the rain plays spoilsport and you are forced to sit inside watching the splattering drops. The Missus is not very happy that the things did not go according to plan. She simply stares outside. The rain picks up pace and the heavy drumming is making a weird noise that is coaxing me to the bed.

I fight my sleep and take up the mission to lighten her up. I try the one which works best for me - Music. I plug in my X Mini to to my faithful iPod and DJ away.

I silently hoped the shuffle list would understand the situation and churn out numbers accordingly

1. Life in technicolor – Coldplay

The song complements the outside rain, the music in place to the steady fall. she takes a look, picks up the idea pad and tries her hand at browsing. Halfway though the song she tosses the reader aside and moves her chair closer to the patio door starts watching the rain again

2. Capri – Colbie Calilat

As Colbie’s soulful sound fills up the room, I see a small change in her reaction. She looks back curiously, before I say anything, she says “Can we eat? I am Hungry”

3. Riders on the Storm– Doors

As JM sings about the killer on the road; I watched her line up the dining table with food. My attempt to help was waved away. By the time she was done setting up and I sit down at the table out comes

4.Highway to Hell.

I did not have to look at her face to understand that the songs were not giving her the effects that I desired. I put the player on hold and continued with lunch. It was liking watching an Adoor Gopalakrishnan movie. The only thing i could hear was the splattering rain and that occasional clatter of my spoon against the plate.

After lunch, I picked up my laptop and decided to check my Facebook page. I saw that many of my friends had shared a video. The youtube link had generated more than five hundred thousand hits and was a big hit in the social networking sites.

I hit play and watched Dhanush sing “Why this Kolaveri di?”. A couple of minutes later the missus was near me watching the video with great interest. A couple of loops later she was humming the song and also did manage to find another video of a Punjabi girl singing the same song.

She displaced me from the computer table and was logged into her FB account and shared the links there. I have never been a big fan of songs such as these. I was pleasantly surprised that the missus was enjoying this song a lot. By the time she was done with her FB; the rain had stopped. Our plans for the day were back on track though delayed by a couple of hours.

The idea of going shopping was the shot in the arm that she needed. It was as if she had found a new lease of life.

We come back six hours later from the Thanksgiving sale, My hands are tired after carrying the bags from the shopping stores she raided. I threw myself on the futon and my mind went over the finances for the month.

I moved to our patio. The chair was still there. I sat there and stared at the darkness humming “why this Kolaveri di?”.

A Tale of Three Nights

2011-07-24T02:15:00.000-07:00

One:

As soon as I heard the Lift Lady Sing “Please Close the Doors” for the Umpteenth time, l let out a volley of curses and groans that would have silenced anybody but her. I walked up the stairs slowly thinking about the pathetic day I had at work. The shoes flew first, the laptop bag next and then as I slumped on the crouch my faithful Sony Ericson W 705 began crooning “The Way you make me feel”. I always thought that was the best song to describe our relationship; she could make my moods swing from the Atlantic to the Pacific.
A flurry of questions hit me as soon as I picked up the phone “Why was the Phone Switched Off? Why I had not called? Why am I Late?” Each of my half answers was met with another question and about fifteen minutes later, she slammed the phone down. “Wife on the phone” I explained to my roommate. He shrugged with a casual “Do you want to join us for a game?” I threw the phone to a corner picked up a racquet and went out. Two hours later I came back to my room totally spent and threw myself on the bed. I picked up the phone SMS’d her A Love you Message and tried to sleep.

Two:

As soon as I got off the bike I hit the dial button on my cell phone; the caller tune seemed to go on endlessly before I heard “Hello”. Me “Sorry, the meeting was longer than I Expected” Her “No problems, I was speaking with my sister on the other phone”. After ten minutes near the Parking lot, I had to concede to the mosquitoes and decided to go inside. I heard the lift lady sing “Please Close Doors”. I was more than happy to take the stairs as I did not want the lift to interrupt the connection. Balancing against the walls I threw the shoes, the laptop bags and slumped on the bed with the phone still glued to my ears. 20 more minutes later my roommate popped his head and asked “Do you want to join us for a game?” I shrugged and said “Wife on the phone”. 3 hours later when I realized that I had run out of balance on my cell phone, I disconnected and lay on my bed thinking about her and tried to sleep.

Three:

I am working on the computer, the phone rings. I don’t even bother to take a look. I finish typing my story as she asks if I have any idea of going to bed. In just a little while I say. I close my laptop, turn off the lights and slip into the bed right next to her.

The One about a Girl

2011-02-14T23:15:00.000-08:00

A couple of months back, if someone told me that I would be getting married in the next three months I would have stared, and then walked away calling the person a madman. But a lot has changed in the last two months and here I am facing a brand new life in the next three months. Things have happened so fast and the seemingly endless list of options has left me bewildered. In spite of all this there is a tiny bit of me that is excited (happy) to welcome her into my world. I am not sure as when she will get to read this post, but when she does I sure do hope that she has enjoyed the journey so far.
P.s I remembered that this was not Twitter later on!

The One about Life @ OMR

2010-11-01T04:13:00.000-07:00

“Anna” “Anna” yelled the kids by the wayside. They were waving frantically and get somebody to who could drop them near their school. 9 times out of 10 I would have sped away, ignoring them, lost in my own world. Today I decided to stop. As soon as I moved to the side of the road, 5 kids ran toward me and started climbing all over the bike. I found out first hand that it was impossible to take five kids on a two wheeler. I told them that I could not take all of them with me and could only take a couple of them with me. The Kids got into a small discussion. I waited patiently beside them, and the eldest came out and said “Anna, take everybody or you can go alone”. I was not going to take the risk and took off alone. But so many others do oblige. The drive becomes a balancing act, and a safety hazard for the kids as well.
What Has Changed
Five years ago, the words Perungudi, Karapakkam and Metukuppam would not be familiar to many people to the people living in the City of Chennai. Today you need to be a multi millionaire to own a house in any of these areas. The IT Companies that have sprung up in these Special Economic Zones ushered in the change. The old broken road has been replaced by a 6 lane highway, numerous high rise apartments and office complexes have lined up. Many small hotels, shops have shut shop and have been replaced by fancy restaurants and shopping malls. When everybody was awe struck by the rate of development, not many thought about the people who were forced to give way for development projects. According to P.Sainath journalist and author of “Everybody loves a good Drought” at least 24 million Indians are forced to give up their habitat to make way for Infrastructure. The Kids who ask fro lifts to the schools are some of them, forced out of their homes they have adapted to settlements further down the roads. While the joyride to the office on the 6 lane highway lasts 15 minutes. Life is not sop easy for many. It is a 20 minute walk to the bus stop and then a struggle to get into the packed buses and share autos.
The frequency of buses is too little and this causes a stampede when the buses roll in to the stops. When the IT professionals complained about the lack of buses on the IT highway the government complied. Now there are A/C Buses plying between the ends of the highway every 15 minutes. The ticket fare is almost 5 times the normal bus fare and the IT Brigade hops on indifferently. The school kids are left to fight it out with the college students, daily laborers and a few others who think that the new luxury is unwarranted for. The government did fulfill its promise of introducing a new fleet with new routes, but what is the use if still there are many who cannot even get onto a bus?
Share Auto is another common medium of transport. Even the IT brigade believes that Share Auto’s are expensive and complain that the drivers are very rude. I have heard a colleague complain about a driver who said “You are earning right, then what is your problem in paying extra?” When I asked her what she did about it, she said“Who can argue with these people so I paid him extra!” Yes we do not complain, we pay because we can afford it. The Kids don’t, so they don’t get a ride in the share auto's.

It is a pity to see many struggle for the minimum necessaties when there are so many who indulge in unwarranted luxuries.

A Question

2010-10-19T02:46:00.001-07:00

A couple of things happened that made me see through another layer of myself!

Last July, I completed five years with my company; A rarity among the IT professionals in India. Today i was awarded a Service Anniversary certificate by the CIO of a Fortune major Client. Pretty cool huh? Me liked that bit a lot.

But hated my guts for being part of a team that put up a FAKE show to welcome him! walls were painted again, the emergency Yellow lines were drawn for the floors only which he was expected to visit. He was also gifted an elephant and a drawing of him that was signed by all! How low will we stoop to get more business?

A project is being closed after three years, and the team is planning to go out for a movie and dinner. I am supposed to be one of the sponsors. I don't mind giving out the money but i do NOT want to go out with them. I know i will be called a lot of things for doing that.

People might call me things, even think i am big loser. Isn't it better to be different and stick to some values rather than be one among many and live without any?

The one about The Date

2010-06-27T10:05:00.001-07:00

A very average day at work was made the most exciting when my friend yelled “S1365”. I immediately knew what he meant. “Seriously” I asked. Yeah man I had to go get a new laptop from the Store and I found out her cubicle. Before he could say another word I ran out of the guest suites to the main building. I never realized I could run so fast and made it to the building in a minute, S 1365 I kept repeating to myself, and reached the South section. I found the cabin almost immediately. As the computer guy of the firm I had access to most systems and with a lot of help from the network guys, I was introduced to her as the “guy to call in case of problems”. I managed to run into her accidently a lot of times, though this involved walking close to 3 miles every day across the two buildings, missing many important calls and at last after 3 weeks I asked her out for dinner. When she asked How about Today? I was jumping like a madman on the inside.
I was too excited to do anything else that day and as soon as I reached home I pulled out my favorite jeans, T-Shirt and set off. I knew she just lived around the corner. I sprinted off to her building. I knocked twice and waited impatiently for her outside. my first official date. She came out in a beautiful black dress, complete with high heels. I was greeted with a dazzling Smile. I kept staring at her and so did she when she saw my jeans and Metallica Rockzz T Shirt. “Where is your car?” She asked. “Oh, I thought we could have a nice walk, before the dinner you know….” I blabbered. Truth was I did not own a driving license, forget a car. That was my first mistake of the evening.
I had planned to take her to a Mexican Restaurant, roughly half an hour by walk from our place. We had to cross a park, and I had to walk slowly with her because of the heels. Trust me Never walk with a girl on heels over a lawn, she will be slower than your 90 year old grandma. She kept laughing at the small jokes that I made. I was simply amazed that a girl as Hot as her would go out with me.
The best part about Covington summer is “Sudden Evening Showers, they are God's way of cooling things down here.” As my luck will have it we spent the last two minutes in the rain. The High Heels ensured that. I was expecting the “Look, what you have got me into! stare”. Another smile, if she was angry she was hiding it well. But still I had made mistake number 2.
We waited for the rain to cool off and in the meantime talked about a lot of things. The Mexican restaurant had a band playing, the mood was upbeat and she really liked the food. “So far so Good” As I was convincing myself the waitress brought in the bill. I went for it first, but needed a little more persuasion from my part to convince her. A couple of minutes later she came back, "Sir is there another card that I can use, This one does not work?" Drat I had forgotten to transfer the money from the Savings to the Credit section again, which meant another 50$ fine. She read the look on my face and she pulled out a Platinum card from her purse. I should say she was reading my thoughts pretty well.
We walked back the same way, and this time it was even worse. A wet park, her shoes were covered with all sorts of thing in a minute and she had to walk bare foot for the remaining distance. I was kicking myself to nowhere inside, and we walked back to home in silence. As I dropped her at the doorway I turned and apologized for the many mistakes that I had made. I did not know if I would ever get another chance to redeem myself. Just before leaving she gave me a grin and said “You know, I did a mistake too”. That was what I did not want to hear. I was crushed that I did not hear her say “I could have taken my car”.

The One about Ron,Joanne & Me

2010-05-08T20:38:00.000-07:00

After moving to the new apartment complex a luxury that I have been using regularly is the gym and the swimming pool. The best way to beat the boredom was to hit the gym and relax later at the swimming pool. Every day I push myself to run the extra minute not to be fit or anything, I do it because it gives me a chance to be with some people and restore sanity in this strange lonely Haven.

As I started to go about life with the precision of a Swiss watch, I noticed two people who shared my routine. Everyday Big Ron and Joanne would be at the Gym, and then walk back to the swimming pool. Big Ron was 78 years old, had Parkinson’s disease and came to the gym to use the treadmill and for his physiotherapy sessions. He reminded me of Clint Eastwood from the movie Gran Torino. They used to sit and talk about anything and everything. Soon I joined them and the three of us shared stories, jokes and strangely enough we enjoyed each other company very much. After our Gym Session we would walk back to the pool where Joanne works as the instructor.

One day I did not see both of them on the Gym, I knew that Joanne would drive to meet her son every month. But Big Ron was supposed to be there. I went to check on him and found him in his balcony with a half empty Malibu bottle at the side. “You have been drinking” I said. “It has been 50 years since my wife left me”. He had never spoken about his family and Joanne and I had never asked him about it. I did not know what to tell him and I tried to help him inside his house. He asked me to sit down and he showed me a picture of him and his wife. “You know why she left me?” He asked. I looked back and his eyes showed his despair. The best I could do was sit and hear him out. He told me about his wife she had been his college sweet heart and had married her. Life had been picture prefect as she was expecting their first child. When Ron learnt that his kid had a speech disability, he reacted badly. He told me that he had become scared of thinking about the kids life and started to spend more time at work and away from his family. He told his wife his apprehension and she had walked out with the kid without saying a word. It was hard for me to see him feel so bad and mumbling something about an important phone call I had to make I walked out of his house.

I become very uncomfortable when people are sad, I just do not know the right words to tell them. Probably Joanne could have comforted him had she been there. I avoided him the next couple of days. When Joanne saw me alone at the Gym, she asked me where Ron was and I told her about the earlier incident. She was furious when she found out that I had not checked on him for the past two days. She headed straight to his house and was back after some time. I was sitting at the swimming pool alone. She tossed a photograph at my lap; the same one that I had seen at Ron’s house. I understood slowly. She continued “The only happiness je gets now is by knowing that there are friends who care for him I cannot and will not remind him of his family and cause further despair and neither will you.

Two days later we are at the gym together. To others it is a funny sight to see Big Ron walking, Joanne jogging, and me sprinting side by side. For Ron we are two very good people who are helping him in his old age. To me they are the only friends that I have in America. But to Joanne it is Father, Daughter and me.

Thinking Straight

2010-05-02T18:27:00.000-07:00

We were lazing around in the swimming pool at our Apartment Complex when one guy pointed to a notice board near the gate.

He asked me what were the Girl Rules? As i looked confused he pointed at the gate and asked again? What's the Girl Rules.

It was about 30 minutes when all at the swimming pool stopped laughing

If you want to know Why, look at the image again and read the Girl...oops..Grill Rulez!

D Music Makes me MAD

2010-04-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

I love music so much that i absolutely hate it when I do not enjoy it. I’ve enjoyed listening to songs in languages which I will never comprehend, but I hate it when the song is composed as a jumble of retarded tones. Of late thanks to a large crowd of people from a neighborly state I am getting used to many songs that do not rhyme right, do not sound good and that do manage to increase my blood pressure.

The concept of Keyboard beats. Yes they do sound good on your Contra video game, but why does it have to be on a full length video song where the hero vigorously shakes his hips is what I do not understand. Then there are rip offs, if they had been faithful to the original it would have been some justice, but attempts to modernize it with hype beats and jingles does make it a very painful exercise for your ear drum.

The worst part is when you have the idiots sing along. DO THEY EVER REALIZE THEY SOUND WORSE THAN A FREAKING CROW?

I need Advise folks, need to survive this.

The one about Two Birds

2010-04-14T15:21:00.000-07:00

Life has been hectic. So hectic that I keep thinking about work at the GYM or even while watching a movie, I was so engrossed about the tasks that I had to for the day that I never noticed my roommate stop at the nearby motel. He asked me to wait downstairs while he went to meet a friend.
I tried to take my mind of work and started to gaze around. I saw two birds, one inside the hotels reception and the other outside in the parking lot. I was intrigued by the chirping and started to visualize what the conversation could have been about. I thought the bird in the hotel was a bit arrogant and trying to show off some tricks of a ladder and kept chirping loudly. The second bird looked on silently and hopped to the window, it had been trying to nibble at a few crumbs that was thrown to it by passer by’s. The first bird did something that resembled a maniacal laugh and started to show off its prize possessions: the toys, the pipe that fed water when it wanted, the plate full of bread crumbs, a beautifully decorated mirror. It had all the luxuries in the world. It performed a couple more astounding tricks with the toy ladder as well. It seemed very happy and my guess is it would have told the second one “Look at me, what have you got”. Yeah pretty much like the Hindi film dialogue” Vijay, mera paas yeah sab hai, tumhara paas kya hai?”
The second bird kept watching the first one intently, and let out a single shrill chirp and flew away. I don’t know what it said but after that the first bird shut the hell up. No amount of cajoling could make it do any of the tricks. It retreated to a corner and looked as if it had been slapped.
I was wondering for some time as what the second bird would have said to make the first bird shut up. I played back the scene over again the beautiful mirror, the toys, food, water and then it struck me “the cage.”
The only thing the second bird could have told the first one is “Dude I can Fly!”

The one about Life @ Covington

2010-04-06T19:03:00.000-07:00

No matter how many sky miles you have clocked, every time you cross the Atlantic there is a small voice in your head that screams its head off. Well mine did, and I found the best way to fight it. Of the 30 hours that I was stuck in the tube with flashy air hostess I slept for 24.

And as always at the airport on entry the customary Immigration questions were followed by a secondary check and special interview with United States customs, I do not know what these guys have against me, but every time I come here I am like stripped to the bone, or refused a visa.

I had to cross the Atlantic, clear 2 immigration checks to blog about life at Covington, a small town in the state of Louisiana. It’s been about twenty days here. For starters the place resembles towns in the psycho films which has the most devious minds around. Everything is too quiet that I can hear my own breath at times.

Everybody whom I meet smile, I do not know why they do that and have the customary greeting “How are you today”. I am not sure if I have to answer them or ask them how their day was. Anyways no one ever waits to hear my answer they walk off after asking me so why ask in the first place. I have been practicing these so that I can ask them first, but today a lady asked me something which I am yet to figure out.

I am here as a part of the Team that supports a fortune Oil Major in its inventory operations. I know that my company is pretty bad at building good software, but over here at the on site you get a birds view of things. Sample this, the clients have a boat scheduled to leave with items at 1.00 and it has not left till 2.30 guess why, our application doesn’t generate the list of items that are supposed to be on the boat. This is when guys like me come to party; they wake me up from my slumber and ask me to do something so that the boat can leave at least by 5.00. Like most support folks I have been trained to answer with standard responses like “I understand your problem, but am extremely sorry for the inconvenience caused and so on.” It is a miracle that no one has abused me yet. So naturally I am assuming that I am pretty good at this.

Other than the time I ogle at my computer looking for issues to resolve I have enough time to down some beers , spend time at the GYM (that’s right time to get girls going gaga), watching girls do stunts at the pool, and attempts to cook. Thanks to my roomie I am spared of the last task and left with the job of cutting vegetables or doing dishes afterwards.

Thats all about life at Covington...

P.S: I am hoping all of you are having a good time.

The one about Women

2010-03-06T05:42:00.000-08:00

Guys are supposed to be cool, savvy and handle emotions pretty well. But with 26 years behind me I found out something very “not cool” about us the “Boys”. We are emotional freaks. I mean we find love in a minute, pick up fights in seconds. It is just that being “Men” stops us from crying out loud or show the sentimental side of ourselves.
Women have an active social life, they talk more, they react to everything, but their emotions are quite controlled. I have had my share of disappointments; the last couple of years have added a lot of grey in my hair. But to the outsider, you wouldn’t find a more carefree person in the world. To my surprise I found out that many “Men” I knew reacted the same way. Parties started to resemble Groups like the ones in the movie Fight Club.
So my new post is actually dedicated to a few women, who by showing excellent purpose in life have managed to convince me that it’s time for us to see them in a new light.
• Grandma: Can you imagine a woman who expressed disappointment and threatened to walk out of the house if she was not allowed to study in 1955. She couldn’t walk with slippers on her marriage day, and took the hands of my grandpa for support. She is someone who can be fragile and strong at the For 50 years she put the family first. When a tragic twist of fate took my grandfather away, I didn’t know how to face her. To my surprise, she came to me fighting back her tears and wanted to know if we had eaten anything. Lessons learnt from her Selfless love, and courage.

• Radhika: Dear little Goofy, I still do not know why people call her that. The second most amazing woman I have met. Great friend, multi tasking, good cook, and someone who finds happiness in spending diwali with kids @ ettimadai. Never will let you feel low, and will never ever give up on you. Too good to be true.

• The First Girl: Well I am still scared to use her name, Confused, Beautiful and Idiotic. In fact learnt so much about girls from her. So anyways no matter what she still figures in my top 3. Lessons learnt “How to handle Girls”, patience.

• The Second Girl: Fun, Fun and Frolic. A total opposite of the First, but in the end taught me a valuable lesson. “Trust”.

• The Last Set: a girl whom I have never met, Mother, Aunt. Self styled, never care for what they say attitude and are sure as hell to get their way with others.

So guys if you are feeling down and out don’t pick up the glasses and wail. Look around you think of all the women who have helped you, hurt you, supported you and then be Men enough to acknowledge them and then empty your drink.
P.s: I am one more year older today.

The One about the Trip

2010-01-27T01:14:00.000-08:00

“One Sleeper Class Ticket to Salem Please” I managed to yell over the counter. The guy behind the counter didn’t even bother to look up. He pushed the ticket through the small gap and was already typing the next ticket out by the time I turned around. I liked to plan my journey well ahead and with the Online Ticket reservation system, I used to book tickets well before the actual date of travel. This meant no long queues in the railway station. No pleading with TTE’s. Today everything was different, this was not planned, that meant no reserved tickets and doing everything else I detested.
I managed to pull myself out from the long queue and saw that I had less than one minute to reach the platform. I ran to the overcrowded platform. According to the Information Board the Superfast Express was supposed to arrive at 2.00 PM, and here I was waiting for it at 2.30 Pm. Half an Hour Later the train slowly pulled into the station there was not an inch of space in the General Compartment. Plan B: A small adjustment with the TTE and I did manage to get a Reserved ticket in the Sleeper Class Coach. (The Power of Money).
Again, after months of travelling in the AC Coaches, the transition to the sleeper class coach did take some time. The noise, everything kept moving one way or the other, the people, the garbage, the emergency window, the dangling alarm chain. Garbage was strewn all around the seat, people kept chewing betel leaves and spitting over the windows. I wanted to cry out; I held on to my bag and wanted to be somewhere else for the whole time. I tried to keep myself occupied by thinking about the reasons that I had taken up the trip.
It was my roommate’s engagement. Well it was not just an Engagement. It took him twenty eight long years to get a Girl friend so this was something which we could not afford to miss. We had not got our tickets confirmed for the journey to Coimbatore so we were not sure if we should be booking our return tickets. Six of us did make it and by the time we reached the engagement hall all the formalities were done with. We managed to down some beers, eat some food and talk and laugh about all the old times. We did manage to squeeze some time and visit our old college, nothing much had changed. Images of First Year Hostel, Friends, Ragging, Sports, First of many loves, Fights, Outings kept flashing.
And for a Superfast train we covered 200 Km’s in Four hours. Well I did feel a lot better thinking about all the good times, in fact made me feel so good that for the first time I didn’t mind the overcrowded coach, dirty seats, and the creaking berths.

The Year That Was

2009-12-30T21:31:00.000-08:00

@Work: There were times when my cubicle became my home. 70 hours a week at office. I did gain a lot of respect from my peers for indomitable spirit and can do anything attitude. did learn a lot of technical concepts, Worked (patiently) with complete ********, got a hike, lost out on promotion. A mixed bag, really. But in the end I can say I scored well but a familiar sense of disappointment looms large.

@Home: I had decided to spend more time at home with my family, but I didn’t even come close. Did enjoy a vacation with my cousins and their kids, but that ate into my holidays and the little time i spent at Home was filled with my outbursts about incompetent colleagues, and my non existent social life. I had them more worried when i was with them than away. I had failed big time.

@Social Life: My social life has been a disaster. I would spent a zillion hours staring at my laptop. Total Internet consumption for the year has been a staggering 160 GB. There was this trip for a colleagues wedding which was fun, only because I kept boozing for 16 hours out of the 20 hour trip. Haven’t gone out for a movie with friends in the last year, didn’t buy a single shoe (I have about 8 pairs now). Lost in touch with some very good friends, I was too lazy or rather acting like an ********. Never bothered to call, didn’t wish a single friend on his/her birthday. I did get a couple of new friends, who really have been a big help in maintaining some sense of normalcy at work. All the computer staring has given me a new problem "Myopia"

@Goals: My MBA Plans went up in smoke. I didn’t get a scholarship that meant i couldn’t afford the MBA @ Thunderbird. Worst part didn’t even send them the signed offer accept/reject letter. Couldn't bring myself to sign and reject the ticket to freedom from here. I did buy the new GMAT prep book with a hope of starting afresh sometime in June, but haven’t touched it sense then.

@Entertainment: My private music collection has grown almost three times, watched about a 100 movies in the laptop, Completed two games in my Laptop. Reading habit didn’t vanish, became a member of 2 libraries. Stopped going to one when the librarian started asking me money for a book which I didn’t take. Started to build my book collection, got a new Book Shelf.

I begun this year with a lot of confidence, but as the year draws to close I know that I flattered to deceive again.

Ironically, As i finish typing I hear Metallica Sing
“What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never be
Never see
Won't see what might have been
What I've felt
What I've known
Never shined through in what I've shown
Never free
Never me
So I dub thee UNFORGIVEN”

The one about the EyeTest

2009-12-05T00:56:00.000-08:00

There was this eye camp at office, and I did go to get an eye check up. The optician makes me stare at a computer and almost blinds me with her flashlight, then after a while he asks me to read the alphabets on a board about 3 meters away. I reeled them off at 2 alphabets per second. I was ready to give my triumphant smile, when she pointed out that I had the last row completely wrong, she fits a lens over my eyes, and the letters became much clearer. I had read P as S Q as O and X as H. That’s right, you can smile now, I need glasses.
So I did plan to go to an eye hospital and get myself an in and out test, and set off. On the way I had to give my camera for a service. I stopped by at KFC for a Zinger meal, and though it was a hot afternoon the food court was full. There were a lot of attention grabbers as well. (Read hot chicks). Just as I finished ordering a burger a smoking hot blonde walked in. Naturally, a lot of heads turned, she came and stood over the counter and until she left the place nothing else moved.
As she walked away I couldn’t help notice her dress, Ever seen the new Size Zero ad? She wore something like that. There was a caption at the lower back, I picked it up even from the distance. It read “I am fun”. She was about three meters ahead, and the letters smaller than the ones on the eye camp board. So there you go I passed the eye test with flying colors, and it is relif to know no glasses for me.

And if you haven’t noticed the new design for my Blog (Thanks to the WWW), you need them soon.

The one about Kabaali

2009-10-31T00:14:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, we decided to sell off our old fridge. To begin with, it was weird to sell off something which we took for rent. But we called up an agent and he agreed to send someone to take the fridge away.

My roommates were busy and had to go out, so i was the one who had to wait for the guy who was supposed to pick up the fridge. i was given the Contacts number and name ("Kabaali"). I told the agent that our apartment was at the second floor, and it would take some effort to get the thing down. His response was "Elaam Kabaali pathukuvaar" (Kabaali will take care of everything). Two hours later, i got a call from Kabaali, he couldn't find my apartment. He wanted me to come to the street corner, where he was waiting with his vehicle.

I went out to meet him, and when i reached the corner i found a couple of very tough looking guys next to a mini truck. I was about to ask them to follow me, when my phone rang again. It was Kabaali and he had found my apartment and was now waiting at the door. i was now really started to wonder what this guy was up to.

I doubled back to the house and found a tri cycle parked near the gate. I went up the stairs, and i found a small guy who looked out of breath at my door. Kabaali, was nothing like the person that i had imagined. A small wiry guy stood there, and was looking as if he had climbed the himalayas. He asked me where the lift was? i told him there was none for our apartment.

He wanted my help to get the fridge to the ground floor. I half heartedly agreed, cursing my other roommates for making me do this alone. We took the fridge down the first step, when i heard him yell, we kept the fridge down, and was holding his hand and telling me it hurt. So after 20 minutes with little help from kabaali i got the fridge two floors down. it took me 10 minutes to climb the stairs, i reached my bed. 12 hours later i am Feeling pretty heavy in the arms, and boy cant move my back.

The one about Protests

2009-08-02T00:05:00.001-07:00

Last month, a friend of mine and I had to go out. It was super hot that day, and we decided to stop for a drink. As we were relaxing with the drink in the shade of the shop, I saw a group of youngsters who had set a stall in the roadside and were holding up messages against Child labor and were conducting a signature campaign. The first thought that came in my mind was "What are the Idiots doing?". I pointed it out to my friend, (who to my surprise was offended by my remark). She went on about the need to speak out and let our voices be heard and people like me had to empathize. I remained silent. I couldn't somehow understand how a signature campaign or giving out notices in the hot sun will help stop Child labor.

In a democratic country such as India, the idea of people's voice being heard is very much in. Students, political parties, and various groups use mechanisms such as hartals, rallies, protest marches to showcase their strength whereas smaller groups, and activists do it on a smaller scale by setting up stalls and doing chain rallies.

Looking back at the major protests in the past two years, the ones that stay in my mind are the ones that turned the most violent. The protests in Shopian, the clash between lawyers and police in Tamil Nadu, the Gujjars strike in Rajasthan. The extensive media coverage that these issues got ensured that images from these protests made it to the front page and "Breaking news" section of each newspaper and television channel. These images makes one empathize the pain and the torture the victim had to go through. The image of Qutubuddin Ansari pleading to the rioters became the face of Gujarat Riots. But years later, how many of us feel for the innocents massacred? Haven't we sort of moved on? Sure we do feel bad when we read about them somewhere, but will that ensure that another picture like Ansari's wouldn't come out?

It is not about how loud or how long your protest was. It is how many you have convinced that matters. When the LTTE was defeated militarily by the Lankan army, a thirty year old bloody civil war ended, and along with it the hopes for a separate state for Tamils. The Shopian villagers protests against the security personnel, fell on deaf years. But amidst all this, Candles lit by a friends of Jessica Lal and Priyadarshini Matoo protesting against their murder, helped them achieve justice. The accused in both cases were found guilty of all charges. The sense of support was because a person had been wronged and the emotion in the others surfaced as the signature campaigns, slogans raised, candles lit and what not. The key is to appeal to the people's emotion. Unfortunately this does not work all the time.

People have far too many problems of their own. It is not that they do not care, it is just that they neither have the time nor the mind set to be bothered. The violent ones definitely attract the peoples attention, but ultimately everyone moves on. We pray for those affected and live in a hope that we do not become the victim. The healing factor is not the same for only those who were affected, the scars remain to remind them of the pain. How many of us help to remove that pain, i wonder?

I know people would get the notices from these youngsters, speak words of encouragement and toss it in the garbage can. I have met people who sympathize with the "poor", and then turn around to spend a fortune on useless crap. I hate these phonies, and i felt for that youngsters for letting themselves believe that they are going to make a difference.

I do hope that someday all of this changes and i am proved wrong. But as of now it is not much and it is fading fast.

The One about Identity

2009-07-03T23:22:00.001-07:00

Humans are very conscious about their Identity. It shows by the way we try to parade ourselves in the society, we wear the best when we go out, young men show off their well tanned muscles, ladies show off their elegant curves. It is there everywhere! But when we ask somebody to identify themselves they identify themselves as an Asian, Indian, Malayalee, Hindu and so on or as a part of a Community based on their Religion or Ethnicity. Rarely do people identify themselves with their own capabilities, we do show off our "Assets" to others but we area bit hesitant to say I am "Intelligent", "Smart”,” Beautiful" what not? So it is like each one of us are Comfortable in identifying ourselves in plural communities.

People coexist in a number of communities. A person can be a Hindu, a Scientist, an Asian, a Researcher, a CSK Team Supporter, but the question remains as which identity we would, prefer to be identified with. The importance given by a person onto a community is what can define him. A very important factor, that i gave seen till now is that we tend to generalize our ideas. We mistake an individual's character for a group stereotype. As a result of our misconception we tend to become biased towards certain people. This is highly prominent in India. We classify people into numerous categories based on Language, caste, religion and stick our guns against them.

News about atrocities against people by fanatics is becoming common nowadays. The anger that drives these people is their belief that the other person is an enemy just because he belongs to another community. We complain about racism when we read about these fanatic acts, but aren’t we doing on the same on a lower level in our daily lives. I see that even in my apartment, which is shared by four. Three of them are from the same state, so the fourth one more often than not becomes the butt of all jokes, and doesn't have the same freedom that is enjoyed by the other three. Isn't this categorization a form of racism? Arent, we guilty of discrmination based on language?

We tend to look at the differences that are evident, but if you look closely, there would be a thousand things that will be common. These common things are the ones that make us bond. Convincing people to get rid of their stead fast beliefs and change will be a huge challenge itself. Working with a diverse group is one way by which our beliefs can change. When there is a need to accomplish a common goal people put aside their differences and work together. It is entirely possible to live harmoniously if we are grouped by Interests and capabilities rather than by ethnicity or by religion. The key is to Open Up.

Never before till now did the Nescafe Theme Song mean more to me in life. Open up and don't stay behind. One can laugh all they want at someone, but he is not the one who is going to have the last laugh. So said a wise man.

The One about The Bus Ride

2009-06-20T06:53:00.001-07:00

Living in India is fun, you can always expect something out of the blue. After suffering two accidents in the same day, i decided not to use a two wheeler for some time. So almost for the last two months i take the bus(MTC) to my office.

i have to travel about 6 miles. The journey ideally should take about 20 minutes, but in the bustling traffic it takes a little less than an hour. This one hour has been an eye opener. I have learnt the art of dangling precariously on a footboard holding on to a fellow commuters shirt, joust with other travelers trying to get out. If i do manage to get a seat, then the sights and sounds of this city can keep one so occupied.

The MTC manages to find its way through the traffic with minimal effort. I am pretty amazed at the skill of the drivers, they treat the big green monster like a bicycle and zoom around. The MTC edges out all the vehicles to the side and marches on. I have heard our driver call out to the vehicles in traffic “Clear my way for your own good”. Ah, what confidence. Traffic signals would be respected only if there are about ten vehicles in front of the bus, otherwise the creaky bus will keep moving until no vehicle can move either way.

The worst part in the journey is of you are stuck somewhere in the middle, you would be crushed and crumpled. The other day i was stuck inside and that day there were about 100 more than the expected 50 inside. I was standing uncomfortably close to a girl. She gave me the go hang yourself look. Later i found out that she works in my office. I still run away if i see her somewhere inside the office building.

The next thing that one would notice is the advertisement posters plastered all across the city. Some of them have made me laugh my guts out. Try this “Wanted Paying gust inparmaation – never knew information could be spelled like that”, “Brand new used cars for sale ?”, “School of Japanese offers Japanese classes ”, “Mahavir Frut Jush – He meant Fruit Juice”, and so on.

People try to showcase their artistic skills on the seats, the interiors. The most common ones that i have seen are Lovers names inside a Heart. Poor lovers, nowhere else to declare their eternal love for each other. The funniest ones are from the gangs, or the college groups which use the bus. “Laser guys”, “EEE Error Gents”, “Pallikaranai Tigers” are the ones that topped my list. Yesterday i saw a superb one “It was a winking Ganesha(* Ganpati bapa), underneath was scrawled “Not everybody, gets a replacement, Use Helmets.

I have had enough learning, and (mis)adventures as well, so i am back on my two wheeler. Now i have something more to lookout for in addition to other crazy vehicles, crazier MTC drivers and the craziest Graffiti.

The one about the Morning Drink

2009-06-06T00:05:00.001-07:00

Mornings, i love them, the sunrise, the fervor which we do things, for me at least it sets the tone of the day. And nothing beats it when you start the day off with a steaming mug of tea.My room mates and I, have been bitten by the laziness bug of late.

Each one if us would loveto have tea in the morning, but who makes it is the million dollar question. Making tea, sounds an easy thing right? No, not in Plot 162. We do not have a stove, do not buy milk. Here, Making tea involves the tedious processes of boiling water in a electric heater, using tea bags, and mixing the right amount of milk powder. More often than not i found myself making tea for all, because i was the first one to get up in the house. Though not an expert i can make something that i can gulp down with minimal difficulty.

For the past two months, work at office has been so hectic that i dont wake up early in the morning, Now the tea making responsibility is being shared by my roommates as well. Last month one of them got tea dust instead of the tea bags we used to buy. Apparently, he thought both were the same. If making tea with bags was tough, this was a disaster, we had to wait for the dust to settle even before we could even take a sip. Also we had to use two more glasses and do more dishwashing. Either the tea turned out to be too strong, or too watery, but we were too lazy to notice and put with the brown soggy liquid.

A week later, i decided to get home early and got a filter for the tea dust. that meant our wait time for tea had come down, but still it left the problem of cleaning up the mess we made. “Three” comes up with a brilliant alternative, "add the dust directly in the filter and pour water in the filter slowly" Doing so meant, we got rid of the problem of the extra dishwashing.

Second Week, we ran out of milk powder, and we started to take our tea black. Third week, we ran out of sugar, Then it became black tea without sugar. Sure “Men’s Health” was looking for us as Models. The taste still lingers in my mouth yuckkkkkk....
Yesterday, we had an emergency meeting as we could see the tea box almost empty. So two of us hopped of to the store and came back loaded with Milk powder, flavored tea bags and some snacks to go off with the morning tea as well. I slept soundly hoping that now that everything was in place i could at least get some decent tea.
Today morning: “The one who doesn’t care” is up early. We get up and go to the kitchen hoping to get some nice tea. There is no tea, we look at him expecting some answer at least. I mean we had taken pains to get all the stuff and i was like what the heck..he shrugged his shoulders and said “No Water”. So much for our Morning Drink.

Stale Dosas and The Secret

2009-05-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

Of late work has been so hectic that i have to take my evening call with my clients at 8.30 PM. I have always been against working late nights, but suddenly i am stuffed up with so much that, i can clear up the mountain only by then. The harder i try to complete it soon, the more difficult it seems to get. The work is good, am enjoying the challenge, but in this i have missed doing two things that i love doing my evening walk and Dinner. By the time i start most hotels are closed except a small eat let near my place. Getting stale dosas from a guy who likes a murderer and eating it at 10:45 by the road side was not what i expected in my life. What else i am going to live with in the pursuit of dizzying heights in the corporate world, God Knows!! And when i come back to open my blog to crib about i see (Rowena's Blog) with pictures of delicious looking stuff she has made, and hear Goofy blabbering about her cooking skills. Life is Cruel. I miss GOOD FOOD!!!!!!

I took a break from work and managed to spend some time at home with my parents and brother. Oh the morning coffee, breakfast at time, good food and super duper care, boy i loved it. And after four days of eating and rest, i came back heavier by 5 pounds. Looking at the amount of work that i have to do over the next weeks, am sure to loose 10 pounds.

Back at Chennai, a friend showed me a book he had got. "The Secret" by Rhonda Bryne. He said that he got the book on my recommendation. That was a bit surprising because i had never heard about the book and i don't remember talking about it to anybody as well. Wednesday, I was cleaning up the files in my system when i found a pdf version of the book on my computer. Freaky!! It just didn't end there i got the book as a gift. And now the Secret is in my hands. I wonder what it is going to unlock!!

The Third Reason

2009-05-02T03:22:00.000-07:00

“The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.” How true, how many times have you seen some one do something you never expected them to do in the first place. These people make you feel all pumped and are the inspiration to make you move from what you are!
I follow the Reality show Britain has got talent. I watch the show for a couple of things. First for the extremely beautiful judge Amanda Holden, a pleasure to watch her. The Second reason being Simon Cowell, the master of Cynicism, his sarcastic replies can make Chandler Bing look mortal. Some of the acts were outrageous, some hillarious. There have been times, when I've stared, and wondered is that possible.
If we are to judge a person, the first thing that some of them look for is the way some one looks. i have been guilty of that charge too, we tend to write off people who have absolutely no chance to figure on the cover Page of Vogue or any fashion Magazine for that matter. Last week, i saw a 48 year old woman who had come to sing in the show. She was the xact opposite of Amanda. Amanda looked a bit shocked, Simon Smiled. I was eagerly waiting for Simon to score with his insults.
What happened in the next five minutes, took every one by surprise. The whole auditorium was stunned to silence. She had given such an amazing performance, the silence was followed by a thundering roar of applause. Amanda was on the verge of tears, as always, the third judge was extremely pleased. and Simon was Silent. Simon's silence defined her success. Ms.Susan Boyle became the woman who silenced Simon. It's people like Ms.Boyle who make this show interesting. Boy, did she inspire me.

Now i have another reason to watch the show. To see people do things that you think they can’t.

The Advisor

2009-04-27T04:01:00.000-07:00

I parked my car in the garage, and sat inside the car for a couple of minutes. i longed for a minute of silence before I drowned in a world of chaos. Being a single parent was tough, and trying to manage twins along with a high paying job was crushing me. I knew that it was only time before i cracked completely. My baby sitter was waiting for me at the door with a scorn. I mumbled an apology for being late. According to her “The Imps (as she called them) would show her Hell everyday on Earth”. My daughters were'nt naughty, they would go that extra level to make Dennis the Menace look nice.
I wondered what the little imps were up to. As soon as I stepped inside the house i was mobbed by Ria and Aria. I was almost knocked over. A flurry of words hit me, complaints about teachers, about the baby sitter and news from school was thrown at me in less than a minute. The human mind is designed to consider a million facta at a time but right then nothing made sense to me. I tried to calm them down, put them back in their study rooms and went to make some dinner.
I found their lunch bags strewn about. I noticed that Aria’s lunch box was left untouched. “Aria, you have not touched your food!” I yelled. “I didn’t like it” was the reply. “What do you mean “you don’t like it? You eat this at home, and so does your sister”. “I don’t want to eat that at School, and Ria she didn’t eat it she dumped it in the trash”. The next moment they were on each other. I had to take three blows from their small hands before i could pull them apart. “Didn’t you eat anything today?” “No, we didn’t”. I stood there defeated, deflated by their defiant reply. The harder I tried to bring my life under control, the more it seemed to spin out of control.
The door bell sounded. The two set off, I had hardly moved when I heard them squeal and soon they were all over her. It was such a relief to see her at home. She waved her magic on the kids and everything would seem perfect. She became busy with the kids while I tried to make dinner. Dinner was a quiet affair, and the twins were quiet too. She didnt like it when soemone spoke at the dinner table. The twins followed every word of what she said. They were angels when she was around.

I took a bottle of wine and was lost in thought. She walked over ruffled my hair and asked “Looking worried?” I told her about the earlier incident. She gave me a smile and said “You are learning a lot about being a father aren’t you?”
Her life seemed perfectly under control, and that was bothering me. “Do you think, this is funny, seriously I do not know what to do with them, I am facing a dead end here. But with you around they are the perfect kids.” I finished my tirade with a hopeful “Why don’t you stay with us?” She looked up calmly, partly amused at my outburst and then asked me “If you wanted my help why didn’t you ask me earlier?”
“I just couldn’t …I thought you wanted to be free and didn’t want to bother you with my problems. Now, things have become so worse, that I feel that I am not a good father.” She held my gaze and calmly said “How wrong can you be? You have always been someone who can be a motivation for others. I let you be free because you deserved to be.
I tried to stop her. Yeah, she continued firmly, your kids adore you, they love you. The only help that I can give you is this piece of advice “Never try to be the Perfect father, just be a good One”. I know you will come out of this. Now go get some rest, you look so tired.
It took about an hour for the meaning of what she said to sink in. I was trying to give them my life. I understood that they deserved the freedom that I got when I was a child, and knowing that set me free. The three women in my life. She had fallen asleep with the lights on. The twins had snuggled up to her. I switched off the lights, kissed them each on the forehead, and whispered “You are the best Mom”.

The Break Up

2009-04-01T02:11:00.001-07:00

I was looking at a photograph in my wallet, when a snob walked in, saw the picture and threw a nasty remark. For a moment I forgot everything, the office, corporate world, and gave a full blooded punch on his face. He reeled from the effect, held his hands against a bloody nose and ran away without a word. The whole office floor looked stunned. Nobody knew that the punch carried the weight of disappointment. For five years, I had kept the disappointment away, but today the small comment brought the emotion out. I walked out straight to the tea shop behind my office, lit a cigarette, my first in years and sat there lost in thought.

I took, out the photograph, and stared at the picture of the girl in it. I had never stopped loving her. My thoughts went to the day when we last met, she stood there looking upon me with complete disappointment, in spite of my best intentions I would always find myself on the other side of her. That day, the gulf between us stretched too far, and she left me behind, with only dreams to cling on to. I never spoke a word, and watched her go. I thought i could let go, but never did. I bottled up my emotions and played the carefree guy role to perfection. I hid myself under a new set of friends and chose to ignore my past.

I never threw away that one photograph, it was something that defined her. Five years later after the Break up, i got a call from her. She wanted to meet me. It was chaos; i couldn’t act as if i did not care anymore. I wondered what she wanted with me. I couldn’t focus on anything and was looking at her photograph when the incident happened. I wondered if I would find the courage to tell her that I didn’t want anything to do with her, after she left me with a broken heart. The cigarette butt burnt my hand, and brought me back to reality. I chose to meet her.

I was shocked when i saw her. She looked at me cheerily and said, you never called, I never knew thought you would be able to do that!!! She was not the same girl that I had fallen madly in love with. Here I was staring at a ghost of her former self. I was at a loss of words. She hugged me, and started to cry. She looked up and said “I want to spend some time with you”. As always, when she was around my only response would be yes. I nodded, and decided to stay for a week.

Those seven days I saw her in a totally new light, sometimes she would hold on to my hands for support, and I knew that i had made a big mistake in my life, but couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I loved her. It is the fear of losing someone that holds you back from loving them very much. She had set up an organization that helped kids with cancer, the same disease that was eating her. This time i decided to stay longer, I quit my job and started to help her with the organization, but in about a month she was fighting a losing battle.

I held her in my arms, as she was drifting away. She had become very weak, as she lay in my arms i kissed her on the forehead, and said. “I love you”. She gave a dazzling smile and closed her eyes. She seemed relaxed. I knew then that she was not going to come back, and the Break up was real this time.
As I walked away from her, I realized that one would never let go of someone they loved truly. She had changed my life again.

The Actor

2009-02-16T09:15:00.001-08:00

It was a hot day, Zafar felt the heat, in spite of the Air conditioned car. Are we there yet? he asked his chauffeur. No sir there is a block ahead, and we might be a bit late..stammered the old man. Zafar didn't like to be late. Now what..mumbled the star. The chauffeur lowered his window and asked a pedestrian as why the traffic was being held up? The man gave a shrug and walked away..apparently he had a lot of things to be worried about than a road block.

The chauffeur looked back at the actor, he had already lost interest and was stretching in his new car. What a life this man had was the only thing he could think about …He was 26, a multimillionaire, had a girlfriend every week, and most importantly paid him very well. that was the sole reason that he put up with the actors whims and fancies.

“Where is My IPOD?”. The Chauffeur knew that Zafar was in one of his moods and it would be best to leave him alone. He got out of the car and realized how hot it was outside..dusty too…he looked around to see many other cars idling and some people on the bike too waiting for the traffic policemen to clear up. There were some workers who were working on some underground cables. The Chauffeur wondered as how these people could work in the hot sun. Zafar was cribbing about the heat inside an Air Conditioned car. And five minutes outside, he could the sweat trickling down his forehead. The Workmen's kids were running between the cars that were waiting for the block to clear. They were least bothered by the sun . One of them peeked through the window and recognized the star…wooo he let out a scream and started tapping on the window to get Zafar's attention.

The kids had grouped around and were all looking for some sort of acknowledgment from the Actor. Zafar immediately put on the actor pose and begun to wave at the kids from inside. The chauffeur looked back at the kids, they were running towards their parents screaming loudly….An Old lady looked up….. wiped the sweat of her face and looked towards the Car.. and then continued with her work. The other workmen barely raised their head. The Chauffeur was shocked by the reaction, He was expecting them to come running to the car trying to get a glimpse of the star…but they did not.

Zafar was hardly bothered and continued to bask inside the car..The Chauffeur was very curious and walked over to the workmen..perhaps they didn't believe the kids…Hey Zafar is over there don't you people want to see him? The leader of the group looked up gave a weary smile…i see a lot of his movies, a first class entertainer, but that’s when i am bored and need some time off..now i have work to do and cannot be bothered byhim.

The conversation left him with a totally different perspective… he walked back to the car and pulled himself in…Zafar was sitting with his eyes closed. The entertainer for the crowd.....the Chauffeur stifled his smile, switched on the radio, turned the A/C to maximum and waited for the block to clear.

So Far So Good

2009-01-26T05:17:00.001-08:00

I remember the first thing that came in my mind when the clock struck twelve this new year eve was "i am not going to let this year out of control". If you take out a couple of failed attempts at the GMAT, a crush that Crashed, a bad Accident, and getting kicked out of a Project after slogging for three and a half years the Last year was not a bad one, I just played the big points badly and that cost me dearly. It was these mistakes that i wanted to correct this year. And something that is helping me do it is the book " The Flight of Jonathan Livingston Seagull". I have read this book before, but now that i find myself in a situation very similar to Jonathan Livingston; this has become life altering.

So let us come back to what has happened in this year so far... A few days into the New year and here i was facing the first big point of the year. I knew i had to pull it off. I set my heart to it. I do not know if i have pulled it off, but am happy with the effort that i had put in. In the Process something set me free, i was no longer worried about the result. I had done my job and knew that was it. That feeling opened the floodgates.

Then the very next day came a shocker. Strangely it left me unaffected, i was the least worried about what had happened. Mainly because i had a lot of things on my mind, i had moved into a new work environment, and the new place had a number of clowns. I was concentrating on the work at hand and that kept me occupied. I had to move away from my friends. It was harder than i thought , they had helped me through a lot and their sudden absence was a huge disappointment for me. I got the feeling that "I was on my own again!!". I realized that space and time would not be a barrier to our friendship. That kept me going, a inner voice that kept reminding me to do my job and not be worried about the other factors. A few days into the new work place and i have left a mark, not a print but at least i am not going down. So here i am saying Bring it On!!!

It has almost been a month since the new year, so as to say i have kept things under control. My new life has been way against my tag line of “If everything seems under control, then you are not going fast enough in life!!!!”. But for now this is the way it is.

** For those who have not read “Jonathan Livingston Seagull - “http://www.crookedbush.com/cgi-bin/bookviewer.pl?bookname=jonathon_livingston_seagull

"Minaminuginte Nurungu Vettom" A Story

2008-12-03T09:34:00.000-08:00

It was such a relief to watch the river flow, the slow rhythm of the waves bring about a sense of calm. I never heard my wife come there. “Mashey, Breakfast is on the table and the medicines…”. “On the cupboard” I finished. “Don’t forget to eat, and if I leave now I will reach the school before the bell rings.” I looked up at her and said “Teacherey…, look it is December 6th, you don’t have to rush today”. Her face lost a bit of radiance. She was to retire today, after 30 years of service. I had retired about five years earlier and since then my routine was the same each day. I would walk her to school, work on the farm in the morning, go to the temple with her in the evening. Villagers would call me her shadow. I didn’t mind it a bit because we had only each other for company. I tried to cheer her up by saying look "At last things were going to change a bit in our lives. I would be spared the morning walk to the school", but I knew that she would miss the school and the kids very much.
A couple of months later, our house had visitors, I had no idea as who the man or the beautiful girl accompanying him was, yet he seemed to know a great deal about me and my wife. He was full of questions and it didn’t take long for me to realize that I didn’t like the guy. He introduced himself as a relative of my wife. Apparently, she had stayed at his house while she was at college. Now he wanted her to take care of his daughter who was joining a college nearby. Before I could say a word, teacher took the girl in. I didn’t want a stranger to disturb the peaceful heaven the two of us had set. But as usual she convinced me by pointing out that the girls mother was a very close friend and she owed her family a lot. Half heartedly I agreed to it.
A year flew past and “Maya”, our Mayamma, became an integral part of the heaven. It hardly took her a couple of days to win me over. Mayamma changed our lives completely. We had someone to dote over us and we found someone whom we could give all our love. Mayamma’s father had remarried after her mother’s death and she was not welcome at her stepmothers place. Every moment at the house became memorable with Mayamma adding color and happiness to our boring old lives. We had discovered the joy of parenthood in our sixties.
One day, an young man came to visit Maya. He introduced himself as a friend of our daughter and wanted to meet her. I turned him away thinking that he was just another guy trying his luck in wooing her. I spoke to Maya harshly for the first time. I wanted her to concentrate on her studies and leave the romance behind. I had hardly finished when I saw her eyes brimming up. That was something I could never bear to see. Teacher was there and she gave me a look reserved for the guilty kid, “I didn’t say anything… didn’t mean to……” I managed to put in a weak apology. Teacher found out that Ravi and Maya were very much in love and he was seeking her hand in marriage. We wanted her to be happy and decided to speak with Ravi. I apologized to ravi for my earlier outburst. I decided to talk to Mayamma's father about the alliance. Harsh words and insults greeted me. he sent me out of the house and Mayamma walked out with me. That meant a lot to me and i decided to give her all the support she needed.
This was a wedding of a daughter we never had. Our house was all set for the big occasion. Ravi had a job in the United States and had to leave in a couple of months after the wedding. He could not take Mayamma with him and he left her in our care. Amidst tearful farewells, me and teacher were happy that Mayamma would still be there with us. We did everything to keep Mayamma happy. Months oater when w found out that we were going to become grandparents. Our joy knew no bounds. But the joy was shortlived as a cruel twist of fate took away our Mayamma from us, leaving us with “Unni” her son. We convinced a heart broken Ravi to let Unni stay with us until he was old enough to go to the States. Unni taught us to be young again, every day we learnt new things from him. We laughed, cried, and played with him. Unni helped us get over our grief, giving us a new lease of life.
Five years later, I got a letter from Ravi. He was coming to take Unni back with him. I didn’t know how to react; Teacher was planning to enroll him in her school. I knew it would break her heart if Unni was taken away from her. When she found out that Ravi was coming to take back Unni she cried her heart out. It was the first time I had seen her break down. Ravi, had no one else, and wanted to be with his son. He told us that he wanted to come earlier, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so because he kept thinking about us, Now that we were getting older, he thought that Unni will have a better life if he was with him. I knew that Ravi was right. “After our time all of this is Unni’s, bring him here at least once in a year.” Over the next few days, Unni kept asking me as why grand ma was crying. i couldnt give him an answer for tears would my voice.
The morning Ravi was supposed to go; Unni was all excited when he got to know that he was going somewhere in an aeroplane. He thought that we were also accompanying him and assured me by saying that he and grand ma were there so I need not worry about the flight. I called Ravi aside and told him “we cannot to bear to see him go can you take him away when we are inside”. I saw teacher crying inside the house. As I held her hand and sat beside her, we heard Unni cry out. His dad was taking him and he was crying out for us. She let go of my hand and ran out to the kid. But all that we saw on reaching the gate was a speeding boat taking away our little bundle of joy forever. We stood there at the river bank crying our hearts out, as our tears fell onto the river; the waves caressed our feet assuring us that we were not alone in our moments of grief.
We walked back slowly, thinking about the beautiful moments we had with Mayamma and Unni. Just as the glow of a firefly lights up the dark for an instant they had lit up our lives.

The Portrait

2008-10-25T03:22:00.000-07:00

A long weekend, and i am sitting here watching the rain flood our streets. The power is off too, so that should set the tone for the weekend. It has been so boring till now, i wonder if it is going to be the same for the next two days. I pulled out a drawing sheet, found a pencil and started to draw. The image i had in my mind was that of a beautiful lady. But when i was through with it, she was nowhere close to the beautiful one i had visualized. Good or bad, that thing took close to three hours to materialize. It was excellent time pass. So let’s look forward to the next rain and power cut shall we? I wonder what’s next.

Feel Like GOD

2008-09-02T01:50:00.001-07:00

“Feel like GOD”, that’s what the sticker on my bike says. I do feel like one when I am on it. The exhilarating feeling when you race on it is something unique. I took my bike and went out for a late night drive. I liked to go out for a drive in the night, it helped clear my mind. So here, I was coasting when I noticed the signal turn red. The new traffic regulations required the lights to be on at all times. There were not many on the road. Still I stopped and waited for the green.
I was joined by another young man at the signal. He saw the sticker, smiled and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled with pride. The signal turned green and the guy, apparently in a hurry, raced ahead. On any day, I would have raced him down, but that day I wanted to while away time. I let him go ahead. I watched the tail light disappear on the road, as another car sped past me.
A few seconds later, I heard a loud crash; I saw the bike landing after a somersault in the air. The car had knocked over the other biker, and sped away. There was not a soul in sight now. The bike was damaged beyond repair. I saw him about ten meters ahead, lying crumpled on the road. I ran to him, he appeared dead. The scene made me sick. Blood everywhere and the stench made me throw up. I was shocked; I had witnessed one of the many Hit and runs of the city.
I heard a groan, he was alive. I ran back fighting the nausea and tried to hold him still, I had to take him to a hospital. The roads were completely deserted, I did not what else to do, I carried him to my bike, and raced off. I have heard about the need to keep a injured person still. Nothing came to my mind then, I just wanted to reach a hospital and i did my best to keep him from bouncing of my bike.
By the time I reached the hospital, my shirt was drenched in sweat and blood. The attending took the guy in, and asked me to wait. Pandemonium reined, a part of me wanted to be somewhere else, enjoying my ride, but here I was at a hospital, wondering what would become of a man whom I just met. I could not even remember his face.
Then came the police, the enquiry, and i spent the rest of the night filling forms and answering questions. The police were trying to trace out his family, and wanted me to be there until notified. At dawn, the attending came out and told me “He has damaged his spine, and probably might never walk again But he is alive”. That was the first good news that I heard in 12 hours, I hugged the doctor, and cried like a kid. And you are his……? The doctor asked. “Nobody” I replied. The doctor looked as if somebody had slapped him. Oh. Good, I mean that was nice, not many would have done that.
I moved away to a corner. I didn’t want to think that it was because of me, I had brought him there on my Bike. I could have done more damage than the accident. That was when a gentle man walked in. he looked harassed, spoke to the doctor and walked towards me. He thanked me again and again for what I had done. (It was his son). He called me a God, I felt happy, very happy.
But that day was only a memory now. That happiness was not helping me in any way today, for nothing could stop the pain in my battered and bruised body. My bike had let me down. And I was being taken to a hospital now. Scenes flashed in front of me, Blood, pain, the ambulance…….sirens wailing… the people…and then at last the sticker “Feel like God”. I managed to smile before it was all over.

The Choice

2008-07-19T09:14:00.000-07:00

Only a few days into college and this girl was making waves. She was everything a guy wanted, and everything one hated. Beautiful, smart, haughty, arrogant you name it, it would describe her. A fresher making so much news in college was unheard of.

Me on the other hand, was famous for all the wrong reasons. I had the wonderful gift of ending up at the wrong place at the wrong time and that would get me trouble. I was a joker to friends who knew what actually happened and a devil to those who didn’t know the true story.

One day, as i ran around the corner I crashed into something or someone I would say. It was a girl, could have been a fresher. I was running at a nice speed and the force of my hit knocked her down. She started crying, and I didn’t want to get into any more trouble as I had already been threatened with “Suspension” for any further trouble in the month. I ran from that place and soon forgot all about it.

The next day i was hanging out with my friends when she came storming there. Behind her was the girl whom I had crashed into earlier tugging at her sleeve. She walked right to me. I was trying to get my brain to work. She was good looking, had an air of confidence about her. She comes straight to me and tells me, Mister you should be ashamed of yourself, my friends look up and almost are ready to roll out laughing. When she turns around and tells them “you too”. We sat silently as she gave a big lecture about how pathetic we were, and that we had to understand that we were just some bimbos who were trying to be cool. She wanted me to apologize to the girl. I didn’t know what to say. I just stared at her and I loved everything about her then. A big smile broke out from my face. The anger made her ears red. It was the cherry on the Cake.

She yelled for some more time and decided that it was pointless to continue with all of us stunned to silence. Nobody in our college had ever given us a speech like that and walked off, not even our HOD who was famous for his temper tantrums; even that man was guarded in his speech with us. But here was a girl who was calling the Final year fellows names and walking out like a heroine. After that yelling our reputation took a big hit, we were forced to stay indoors and work on projects as our term was approaching an end.

That helped us a lot, may sound strange but that saw to the fact that we did good projects and we were placed in good companies at the end of the term. We never saw her in the college ever, but kept hearing about her heroics. I joined a firm and did well enough to be transferred Onsite within two years of me joining it. I started to be a bit more careful in whatever thing I did, I didn’t want to see a beet root red ear ever again.

With time, my family started pushing for a wedding, they had seen an alliance. The Girl’s side was happy with my profile and all I had to do was come see the girl, and bingo I would have a wife soon. Even my parents were very happy about the alliance. I decided to check it out as a vacation to India was long overdue.

So I went to meet her family, they were nice people . I liked them. And so I was asked to go upstairs to meet my future wife. There after six years I saw her again. I had never been so tensed; panic hit me in full force. The same face, the ears not so red and face still beautiful. As I struggle to find words, she gives a big smile and says “Hi, been a long time”. I was expecting “What you?” She said “long time” so she knew it was me. I manage to ask “But why”. She understood what I meant. She told me that she had really liked me since the first time, but was angry with me because I was wiling away my time doing useless things. As she was talking, I started to realize how much I missed her, and always had liked her. She told me that when this alliance came to her, she didn’t even think a minute and had accepted the proposal

I told her that I needed some time to decide on, I saw worry on that face then. But I couldn’t make a choice then and there, I hardly knew her and I was still scared of the good yelling I got that day.

It has been 40 years since that day. I am sitting with my grand son. I hear my wife calling him. I can tell from her voice that she is not happy with something. It was late and she had to put him in bed. He doesn’t want to sleep. He asks me as who that girl was and what happened to her? My wife looks at me with a scorn, that tells me it is late and he has to be in bed. I picked my grandson up and showed him my wife’s ears. They were red. A big smile spreads across his face and he asks “Grandma?” As I miss a step, her hand steadies me. I smile as I realized that I made the correct choice that day.

One in you

2008-07-06T22:13:00.000-07:00

It had been a long tiring day for Martin, a professor at a prestigious business school. He had given three - hour long lectures and had faced a volley of questions from the students. He loved his job. He was good with words and that made him more endearing to the students. However, today's sessions had made him tired. He longed to get back to the comfort of his home.
Just then his phone buzzed, it was his wife, Tammy. "Marty, can you come home immediately?" She sounded tensed. "It is Aria. She has locked herself in her room and refuses to talk to anybody." He wondered what had happened, as he raced home. Aria was his youngest daughter. Tammy was a great mother and did everything to make a great family. Normally, the chief trouble maker would be his elder daughter Ria. He was used to getting complaints on Ria, but he used to laugh it off, as all of her pranks were quiet similar to the ones that he used to pull on his neighbors when young. But Aria, the younger one, She was more like Tammy, Quiet and Smart. She never got into trouble unlike Ria. The sudden aberration made him feel a bit tensed.
He walked in as fast as he could. He found Ria sitting out, she had been crying. Tammy was tired, shaken but still looked beautiful. He walked to Aria's room. He could hear her sobbing. He knocked on the door, and called her out. There was no answer for a few minutes, and then slowly the door opened and out came Aria. The next minute Tammy ran in and hugged her. The relief in her face said it all. "You almost killed me was all that she could say as she held her tightly. Ria was noisier, cursing her and hugging her at the same time. He walked back to the couch and sat down. Martin was silent. Aria walked over to him and sat there with him. She did not saying anything, but he could see that she was crying. Tammy wanted to know what was wrong, but Martin gestured her to leave it to him. Tammy went to make tea for everybody. Ria too joined her leaving them alone. Martin looked at her and asked, " It is like I have run a marathon….., age is catching up I guess. You want to tell me what that was about?" She nodded.
Martin got up and took her out for a walk. She walked in silence for a few minutes. She took out a slip of paper and handed it out to him his hands started to tremble as he read it. It took a moment for it to sink in. Tammy had a complication after Ria's birth and the doctors had to do a surgery which meant that she could never have a baby again. Here was the statement which he had signed, approving the surgery. She had found that paper somehow, when she was trying to hide Ria’s necklace at the basement. She didn't say anything. She stood there expecting him to give an answer. For the first time he was at a loss of words. He walked ahead, took a few deep breaths.
"The First time I saw you, you were so small that you could fit in the palm of my hand. Today I can see that you have grown, you have every right to know the truth". He told her about her parents, his friends. He had been to a trip with them, when they were research associates. Martin was driving. A van, had veered to the right suddenly, Martin reacted a second late and the impact had thrown the car over. Martin managed to wriggle out of the car with their baby. Her parents had not survived the crash. He had brought her home to Tammy. "This is...Started Martin" "Our daughter" finished Tammy. Since that day that's the way it has been".
Martin felt his eyes moisten. He had always held himself responsible, for Aria's parents. He had not talked about the accident to anybody, not even to Tammy. He looked at her. She just walked up to him and hugged him tight. That said it all. Father and daughter as always. She said. "Dad, and that's the way it would be. I was sad when I found out that I was not a part of this loving family, but when I saw Mom, Ria and you outside when I came out, the look on your faces told me how much I meant to them. What more can I ask for in life? " As they walked back home, Martin could not throw out the words in his head - His little girl had just grown up. "Family isn't about whose blood you have. It's about who you care about."
Tammy and Rhea were waiting for them at the door, a tad anxious. They looked at him expecting an explanation. Martin, Martin's question was directed at Ria - "You would not miss a necklace, will you?". Rhea let out a "What..that..did she lose it........" and started to chase Aria. "They are still kids, aren't they" says Tammy and walks in. Martin smiles and says "How about that cup of tea?"

The Dream

2008-01-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

The Dream

December 1st 2007, Friday. It had been a long tiring day. My Roommates had gone out for the weekend, I was alone in my apartment, and bored. So I picked up a beer and sat before the Idiot box. Again nothing interesting. May be it was the beer; I soon drifted to what I call the heavy sleep. Thus begun the dream.

I was waiting for a cab to pick me up, I was supposed to go to the Airport, and my flight to the United States of America, the Land of Opportunities was at 2.00 in the morning. Till then I had never set foot on a flight, and my fear of flying was pushing me down. But I summon all the courage I had and go inside the tube. I manage to find myself in a seat and complete the first flight and land in Dubai to get my connecting flight. People always tell me that I have the looks of an Arab, but I always thought that the guys were pulling my leg, because of a Muslim girl I was talking to. So here I was in Dubai Airport, looking at my next flight timings when I hear an Old gentleman say something to me. I heard "Hakmish Al Zogrish" or something like that. I keep staring at him, and I manage to say "excuse me; I don't understand what you are saying!!!" On hearing that, the old man's eyes go wide as if I had shocked the wits out of him. He manages to say "What, you don't speak Arabic"!!! He apologized for that and left me wondering what makes most think that I am an Arab. I still haven't found an answer!!!

The scenes shifted; soon I was at Pittsburgh the Bridge city, PA, USA . The city was serene; the country side looked like a Picture from the Post Cards. The silence was eerie, and the Winter Cold brutal at times. But I found myself with a lot of friends back from India. So begun my life at Pittsburgh, it was different from the fast and furious pace of Chennai, it was calm. I wanted to settle down there. There was nothing special to talk about the work place, save three extra ordinarily beautiful women. Well they all had boyfriends or were married, so there ended things. Whoever thinks that America is a land where only sex matters, no culture, no virtues, are way off mark. I saw that most of the People really cared about their families, and took every opportunity to shower their love on their loved ones.

Another day, we decided to go on a road trip. We hit the road, and were on our way to Niagara Falls. It is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The sheer power of the water hitting the rocks, the beauty of the falls made me stand transfixed there. Atlantic City with all its Casinos showed me what money can get one. Edison with its Huge Indian population made me see home away from Home, Trenton with all its universities took me to another world, and Philadelphia showed me the celebration of life. Each place made me wonder as how vast and beautiful the world is and what all is still left to see in this world. I was happy that could see so much in so little time.

So life was moving at full speed, when one day I met her. It was her eyes, It had everything about it. Happiness, sorrow, the emotions…wow, she was beauty personified. She sees me staring at her and tells me "Hey, it is not polite to stare". I just mumble out a few words, not knowing what exactly to say. Still she holds my stare and asks me what I do, well it is the tell me about yourself question, that most Indians would have perfected for the interviews so I rattled of some things about myself and my job. From the look on her face I knew that she didn't understand a bit. Just to keep the conversation going, I asked her what she did. She told me she was a Dancer at a club. It took some time to sink in but I knew what sort of dancer she was. I told her that I needed to go and meet someone, and that i would catch her around. She understood that I never intended to see her again. The eyes, they pleaded to accept her as what she was. But no matter what the Eyes did, there was a small voice that always kept sounding the warning "She is a stripper, you mean nothing to her. She is just looking for money".

A few days later I met her again, this time at the Shopping mall. She looked beautiful. I waved at her, and the eyes beamed with a sense of recognition. I walk to her. She gives a dazzling smile and says "So we meet again". We walk together for some time, talking about various things, and I realized that we had similar tastes. Time flew. I decided to go out with her. My friends all had the same thing to say "You are out of your mind!!". I told them I knew what I was doing. She became very close to me. We went out a few more times, and we would walk back home every day. She had wanted to become a model, she left home to seek her fortune here, but ended up being a professional dancer. The eyes told me that was true. I did not know what else to do, so I kissed her.

That night was beautiful. I forgot everything around me, as she lay there in my arms crying softly. She fell asleep in my arms. Time flew. She joined an aerobic training center, and she got a job as a part time trainer there. The eyes, the sorrow in it had vanished. Her eyes shone with happiness. One day as we were strolling around, she said she wanted to buy something and asked me to wait at the Coffee shop outside. She came out a few minutes later. She had a gift box in her had. The gift was for me. It was a beautiful crystal stone. The eyes said everything she wanted to. She was in love with me. She had quit her job at the club and got another one as the aerobic center. I heard the voice in my head again "stripper, culture, family, India……". I couldn’t look at her. As I walk away from her, her eyes scream at the betrayal.

I am on my Flight back home and I think about her, and what I have done to her. But I was trying to console myself saying that it was for best. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the pain in her eyes. She hadn't uttered a word, she stood there with tears streaming down. The eyes they haunted me. I closed my eyes to shut myself in darkness. I hear the pilot announcing us to fasten our belts as we land in India. As the tires touch the Runway, the plane skids and the engines let out a scream as they scrape the ground.

I wake up screaming, am sitting before the idiot box again; the finished beer is at my side. I thank God that it was a dream. I slowly get up from the chair stretching, wondering what to do on a Saturday morning. I see the calendar the Date reads February 2 Saturday 2008. I am stunned. I feel something in my jeans. My hands trembled as I pull out the crystal stone that she had given me. I am sitting alone in my apartment again with a beer in my hand now.

My pursuit of happiness

2007-11-02T06:35:00.000-07:00

We meet so many people in our lives; we hear a lot about some; and we read about so many others. We get to know some of them, while some of them are just an acquaintance and the remaining whom we never get to know. However, all these guys do affect our lives in some way. We may realize it or be completely oblivious to it but that’s the way it is. In Short, our lives are “dependent” upon so many others. “Influenced” may be the correct term.
I am not a regular Blogger. Nevertheless, I do write about certain events which have influenced me. So many things happen around us. The Events which we see or hear about can have a big say in one’s life. A small incident can change the course of one’s life. This article is about one such incident that I would like to call a defining moment in my life. Its about how an character in a Novel whose words influenced me a lot.
With time, I begun to see the world as a totally different place from what I had imagined, it was nowhere close to the perfect world with clean streets, zero crime I had imagined, it was vile and bad. The Cities stank. The villages were parched and dry. Television had murders to report every day, Murderers were justifying their Killings in the name of “jihad” and that’s when I understood good and bad was a relative concept, what was good for one was bad for another and vice versa.
I had a bad feeling about this. Not knowing what is good and bad can leave you stranded. It can leave you distracted, emotionally withdrawn and make you indulge in the Worldly pleasures that give you pleasure but not happiness. I did some things like that, because I did not care about anything else in the world. I knew I was not happy.
I got a book “Shantaram” written by Gregory Roberts, it depicted the experiences of the Protagonist “lin”. The book was laced with amazing view points on Religion, God and Life.

In the book Khader khan, a character explains to the protagonist the difference between good and evil. The philosophy behind this is quite simple, according to him, “The truth is that there are no good men, or bad men,' 'It is the deeds that have goodness or badness in them. There are good deeds and there are bad deeds. Men are just men--it is what they do, or refuse to do, that links them to good or evil. The truth is that an instant of real love, in the heart of anyone--the noblest of man alive or the wicked--has the whole purpose and process and meaning of life within the lotus-folds of its passion. The truth is that we are all, every one of us, every atom, every galaxy, and every particle of matter in the universe, moving toward God”. He tells us that all things in this world move towards God, an ultimate complexity, anything that moves towards the ultimate Complexity is good, and anything moving away from the Complexity is bad. This line, I tell you will be a defining moment in my life. I did not know Khader Khan, Shantaram or any one mentioned in the book, yet they left a deep impression in my life.
That Quote made me think, as how my actions affect the lives others around me. I wanted to know whether my actions helped others in any way. I begin to empathize, started caring about others and begin to see myself in a new light. In short, I felt as if I understood what Life meant.
I sign off with one final Quote from Khader Khan “There's no believing in God...We either know God, or we don't.” So now, here I am, looking at life with renewed hope, hoping that my actions of love, hatred, kindness, anger would help us all to move towards the Final complexity. Now I am happy. This is how my pursuit of happiness ends or rather begins.

The F.R.I.E.N.D

2007-11-01T23:08:00.000-07:00

The day started like any other day bright and sunny, I was feeling good. A friend of mine had come over the weekend and we were discussing his plans for the future. The earlier night me, my roommate and my friend were talking about the good old college days, when we were free of all worries and responsibilities. We sat there recollecting the good old days. Amongst friends, you tend to be a different person. You can be you without being bothered about anything in the world. If a person who is around you can let you be you, he is your FRIEND. I heard this from “Kiran Madhu”, my roommate in college. This day I was myself among these people, and was waiting for my day to begin.
As we sat in our hall with steaming cocoa and the news on, we got a call from another friend in the United States; somebody had scrapped him in Orkut saying that “Kiran Madhu” had met with an accident. The news came as a shock, because I had called Kiran up the day before and as usual, he was playing host to a group of friends from college who had gone to Bangalore. As he was busy, he had told me that he would call me up on Monday. Then came the shocker that Kiran had been killed in the accident. The mood in our house changed. There was a sense of discomfort; silence had taken over the place. I sat there stunned, my soaring spirit had been brought down by a phone call.
Kiran was somebody who was there for everyone. When you were in trouble all you had to do was to call him up; he would have an answer to your problem. Now we didn’t know whom to turn to. I sat there thinking about the numerous times that he had helped me out. He had played a huge part in making me, the person I am today. He showed us what it was to live free, do what one liked without being bothered about what others had to say, he taught us what friendship was by being there for friends when they were down and out. Just then, I realized how much his friendship had meant to me. I had lost a friend, a brother not by blood but by bond. I couldn’t bring myself to cry, but my heart was heavy.
We couldn’t understand why this had happened; here was a boy who was the most cheerful among us, who had high hopes in his life, lying cold and lifeless. Something was telling me that he was there then, trying to tell us that everything was fine and not to worry. One of us says let us uphold the spirit of Kiran Madhu by vouching for eternal friendship and upholding all values that he stood for. Each of us stood there thinking about the wonderful memories he had left behind. As the flames engulfed his body, I see my other friends break down and mourn. I take a deep breath manage to say, “Farewell my brother, find Peace”, before the tears start flowing.

Is Hell Exothermic or EndoThermic

2007-11-01T23:05:00.000-07:00

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term exam. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Here is the "Bonus Question" on the exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:
1.. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2.. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa (a girlfriend of mine during my Freshman year) that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is Exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A."

**From the Internet**

The Little Gods

2007-07-17T06:38:00.000-07:00

Is He willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then is he impotent.
Is He able but not willing? Then is He malevolent.
Is He both able and willing? Whence then is evil?

These are words of the ancient Greek philosopher Epicurus. For Epicurus, the purpose of philosophy was to attain the happy, tranquil life characterized by the absence of pain and fear, and by living a self-sufficient life surrounded by friends. He taught that pleasure and pain are the measures of what is good and bad, that death is the end of the body and the soul and should therefore not be feared. He also said that gods do not reward or punish humans, that the universe is infinite and eternal, and that events in the world are ultimately based on the motions and interactions of atoms moving in empty space.Not many of us in India think along these lines we are brought up in an environment where Gods and Godmen have had a special place. I still remember the numerous stories my grandmother used to tell me based on Mahabharata, Ramayana, and the Gita. All these stories had the same theme: “Triumph of good over evil.” Nobody told me what was good or evil, and I was never bothered to ask. I was told that Godmen represent God, so as I grew up with a respect for anyone in khavi (orange robes) or the sanyasi robes.Soon that respect turned to anger when I started to feel that in the name of God the Godmen were cheating innocents.With time and experience my anger changed to awe, I could not believe that a person could pose as God and so many people could believe it.In fact, going by today’s scenario, the “Babas” would easily be among the richest people in the country. Recently, in the span of a week, four Babas were arrested from God’s own country, Kerala. “Swami Amrita Chaithanya” was arrested on charges of fraud and possession of pornographic CDs. The police carried out the raid on his 16-suite ashram after a Malayalam weekly established, in an expose, that Chaithanya and Santosh Madhavan were the same person, and wanted by Interpol.Swami Himaval Bhadrananda, a college-dropout-turned-faith healer was booked by the Kochi police for using a beacon light on his car and trespassing into a local newspaper office and threatening journalists. Bhadrananda is out on bail now after he staged a suicide drama in jail to protest his innocence. The swami claims to have predicted the tsunami and Chikungunya outbreak.In spite of hearing about so many allegations against these “babas,” people go to them, worship them, and call out to them in the time of need. The sheer volume of devotees, and the donations made in their name makes one wonder as what Maya is causing the thousands to throng to these Godmen. I call these Babas the “Little Gods.” The people too have fallen for the gimmicks. The Little Gods use mechanisms such as Mass prayers, grand poojas, pulling fruits, holy ash, statues out of thin air, predicting vague catastrophic events to get crowd attention. The act is so convincing that many start to believe that the Little Gods are indeed manifestations of God. An increase in the number of followers, increases the baba's popularity. The baba's respond with a bigger and better act and thus the cycle repeats.Some neighbors of mine are ardent devotees of a local God woman. Now this God woman has been in our locality for quite some time. Earlier she used to go on a frenzy and dance around the place yelling something. Then came the pattern—she begun to get these “fits” on the third Tuesday of every month. I still remember as a child, my friends and I used to go there to see the fun. Today she has a mansion with a separate temple and, if not thousands, hundreds of devotees who come to see the “divine happening.”When I spoke out against this, my parents and neighbors said, “Oh no! What’s happened to you nowadays? You never pray, and you speak against God...”I am not against God.I am just against the Little Gods who call themselves manifestations and make a living out of it.I am against people who can offer money, gifts, and food to the God men, but would not spare a thought, forget a penny, for the needy.I am against the people who do all they want, and then pray and say God will forgive their sins.I am against people who do nothing and blame everything on God.I have always believed in God. God is life, energy, music, and the passion with which we associate ourselves. God is in us, guiding us in what to do and what not to. It’s up to us to accept the guidance and strive to make lives better, or just blindly follow others and hope our lives will become better.I recollect a quote from a movie in which the protagonist tell his friend that God exists in all of us, and when all realize that, the world will be a better place to live in.

Staright From the Heart

2007-06-21T22:11:00.000-07:00

Each and Every thing associated with this amazing country has a dash of Emotion to it.. Just take a look at things happening around you and you will know what i am talking about.

Candle light's the way

After Rang De Basanti, and Munnabhai’s Dadagiri "The Candle" has captured the attention of people and media alike. Candles were lit as a mark of protest against the accused in the Jessica Lal case and the Priyadarshini case. With the accused sentenced in both the cases, it has been a hard fought victory for the victim’s kin, and friends. The media highlighted the power of the common man and media, wrote about how faith in justice is restored, and also took out the Defense counsel on a one on one.
Justice was served because it was demanded for not by one but thousands, the sense of support was because a person had been wronged and the emotion in the others surfaced as signature campaigns, slogans raised, candles lit and what not.

Candles lit for Jessica have shown the way for Priyadarshini, Meher, Nitish and so many. Will this lit candle lead us to the path “where justice prevails”. Only time will tell.

India Winning its First Cricket Test Match in South Africa

The Indian Cricket team which was at the mercy of the South African Cricket Team in the One Day Series, Won the opening Test with flair. The team played cricket well, but what will stay in everyone's minds is Sreesanth's war dance after smashing Andre Nel out of the park. It was not about the aggression showed, it was the response by the young lad to the big South African’s verbal assault that won hearts. Comeback men making a point -- another headline and another emotional moment. Laxman and Ganguly played well no doubt, but the fact that they did it when they were not expected to makes it special. The man who said they were unfit was forced to eat his own words. The People loved it.

India at Asian Games

Leander and Mahesh’s win at the Doha Asian games. The win fetched the Gold but the drama off court won our people’s hearts. Every news paper covered the “fight” on and off court. The Final word was they should play together for the fans and for the country, which they surely will.

And if I were to cite examples I would be never finishing this. Everything from the land acquisition problems to historic achievements, have an emotional side that warms our hearts and makes us relate to it more.

Perhaps, some might feel that we take things too seriously but when u think about it anytime this is the reason that makes me, you and anyone else feel at home and realize “Yeh Dil Maange More”

India Rocks…………

Have i Changed

2007-06-21T19:14:00.000-07:00

I was sitting with a coffee, reading a Mario Puzo novel in my Apartment’s balcony, when my neighbors’ wife Jia came out with her two month old kid Ashmita. It was drizzling slightly and she had to get something from the nearby grocery store. Her husband was not home and she didn’t want to take the kid out in the rain, so she came to me and asked me to hold the kid while she was out. She wanted me to Babysit!

My record with kids was tremendous, I could make the sweetest of them cry. All I had to do was wave or smile and they would go wailing till their parents picked them back. So I was like uh no Jia... However, before I could complete the sentence Ashmita was in my hands. Here she was in my hands looking at me and wondering as why her mother left her with me. I was expecting the siren to start when suddenly she touches my face and says goo… I was stunned. Here was a kid who actually was smiling and trying to say something and not showing any indication of crying. Her mother said she will be back in ten minutes and left.

With new found confidence I tried talking to her. I had seen my mum & cousin sisters try the koochi koochi stuff with kids, and that’s what I did. I spoke gibberish to her, she gave me look that was like “Hello, you seem to be a nice guy, but what the hell are you saying?” and then she gave another dazzling smile. So I stopped making noises and did everything I could to make her smile. She was Ms.Smiles all the way. She enjoyed my company so much that she was not ready to go when her mother came back for her.

When she left, there was a strange feeling inside me, maybe it’s just the euphoria of being successful, maybe anything but I wondered at that instant as how it would feel to be a father. You know it sounds idiotic, but there at that instant I was feeling different and thinking about the day when I will have my own kid, whom I can share my love with. I started to wonder what had happened to me, spending 10 minutes with the kid had changed my outlook on life, I wanted to be someone who could care for and feel loved. My thoughts went to a girl I knew for some time. It was weird, here I was thinking about settling down with her, and I decided to talk to her about it.

The next day ,in office i saw my colleague having his sons photo on his computer. He used to tell me that whenever he felt bad, all he needed was to look at his sons photo to make him feel better. Now I realized what he meant. I was browsing through the web and came across a community, “I will have a daughter someday”, I didn’t know why, but I became a member of that community. I told my colleague this and he told me, listen you cannot be a boy always someday you will grow up and be a different person from what you are now. You will Change. These words made me think that yes, it is time and I decided she will be the one and asked her to meet me at a place.

I moved around with a new zeal, stopped being the cool dude, started making subtle changes that made the difference between a who’s who and who’s he! I thought I had changed. She was waiting for me there, I walked up to her with a big smile and we talked about old friends and some new crap. I was feeling cold and racy, there was a hollow feeling inside me, just as I was about to tell her I saw this girl you know the “model” type who can make heads turn, and make your jaws drop. I let out a small whistle; she gave me a heart wrenching smile. That’s right when my girl looks at me and tells me "That was rude!! you cannot do that". The hollow feeling vaporized. I bought her coffee, talked for some more time, told her that I would catch up with her later. I left without saying anything that I had intended to.

I came back to my cubicle and my colleague asked me “So have you changed”?“Almost” I say, as i set a Monica Bellucci picture as my wallpaper and wink at him ;).